Choose Happiness.

As my summer is coming to an end, I have been thinking a lot... Who am I kidding, I think a lot on a normal basis. But lately, I had been reflecting on this summer and had come to the conclusion that it was my least favorite summer so far. Sure, I've gone on family vacation, retreats, and Young Life camp, which I had an absolute blast at. But the minute I got home, I found myself unhappy.                  
Why? We all have different personality types. Some people are more than happy sitting at home reading a good book and hanging out alone. Others of us are always busy with sports and looking for the next thing to occupy ourselves. I fall into the category of the extraverts. I thrive on people and relationships. If I go too long without talking to anyone, I start to become depressed. I love to hangout with people, laugh, and have a good time, but most important to me, is having someone there that I can count on. I need that one person that I know I can always rely on and share anything with. I need my best friend.
You see, the issue with this summer is I have lost that. As relationships go on and progress, they get harder to maintain. Personalities eventually clash. Differences eventually cause division. Annoyances turn into atrocities. We grow apart from the people in our lives that we think make us happy. This is one of the main reasons I feel that I have had a bad summer.
While discussing this with my family, my sister brought up a great point, and what I think to be the solution of life itself. That solution seems simple, but can actually be quite difficult until you find how to fulfill it. It is, find what makes YOU happy and do it. Regardless of the circumstances you're living in and whatever may be going on in life, moping around and having a bad attitude is not going to make it any better.
I have learned that the hard way this summer, as I've looked back, I have realize that I chose to let myself be unhappy. Yes, maybe I didn't have great friends and great relationships or something special to look forward to, but that gives me absolutely no reason to be unhappy. My sister brought up the point that no matter where you are in life, there is always going to be something wrong. There is always going to be something that could have gone better. There is always going to be a circumstance that you wish you could change.
I think we, as the idealist people we are, always think, "once I get that one thing, then I will finally be happy!" Once I get the perfect boyfriend... Once I get the job... Once I go to college... Once I find the perfect husband... Whatever it may be, we think we are going to find happiness when we get it just right, but the unfortunate truth is this: we do not live in a perfect world where we all get our way and live happily ever after. That is, unless we choose to have the attitude that we are going to take whatever comes our way, make the best of the situation, and do what makes us happy. We cannot rely on other people or things to keep us happy because they are not constant and steady. We will always be let down. The most that we can do is choose happiness.

I am lovely.

I don't like thinking. I don't like quiet. I like to keep busy. You know why? Because I can avoid my feelings.

This week, I have been at the Oregon Coast with my family. This means a lot of napping, laying around, walking on the beach, and quiet time... Which for me, means lots of thinking. The main topic that I've been struggling with all week has been being alone. 

When I look at other people in my life, they all have their best friend, their boyfriend, or at least a person of interest. And then here am I, all alone. Of course when this thought comes to mind, I push it away and tell myself that I'm independent and I don't need anyone to make me happy. This is a true statement, but much easier said than done. 

While pondering this topic once again tonight, I was listening to a pandora station when a song came on that caught my attention. The lyrics read, "I feel lovely just the way that I am. I'm beautiful to me, doesn't that mean a thing." At first, I just thought to myself, "Wow... That's a really cool song. That's awesome that she has so much self respect." 

Then I bought the song and listened to it again. I noticed another statement that said, "I'm just little old me. But I'm still lovely just the way that I am." It finally hit me that I may be little, lonely me, but GOD sees ME as lovely. Just.the.way.i.am. That's something we don't stop and take time to think about too often. It was almost as if God was speaking directly to me through this song, saying, "My beautiful daughter, you are lovely. You are lovely because you have ME. And I am ALL that you need." 

I don't need a best friend or boyfriend, of something in my life to make me happy. What I NEED is a Father who will always, unconditionally, and eternally love me. No matter what. 

I'm enough for God and God is enough for me.