As the school year comes to an end, I have found myself thinking. Each year, I look back and say, "Wow... That went by even faster than the previous year." Every year I realize that I am quickly losing precious time and memories as I am near to making my way into the next chapter of life. And each year, I realize that God teaches me a new lesson. This past school year has held some of the best memories I will probably have of high school, yet also some of the worst. I started off the year with a bang; great friends and great times overruled my life. I was excited every day for lunch or for the weekend because I always had so much fun. I had a sleepover every weekend and lived my life constantly with my friends. When I realized that things were starting to change, I began to stir up confusion and anger. I looked to God and asked Him why He would take my wellspring of life from me. I was so happy with my life and looked forward to every day, and I did not want that to change. People are my source of happiness, joy, and laughter. When I'm left alone for a day, my energy is drained and low. If I could spend my whole life just hanging out with people I enjoy being around all the time, I would do it, and I would be extremely content with it. My mother has always told me that even as I was a child, she knew and saw that I was the type of girl who always wanted to have her best friend by her side. I was afraid to walk alone, to eat alone, to do anything alone.
This year compared to any other year has been the biggest challenge I have faced for that very reason. Through this year, I have learned to have to walk alone, to face situations alone, to be my own person. God purposefully took away the people in my life to teach me and mend me into being the person He wants me to be. The process is still continuing, but looking at my progress from even just months ago, I see a whole new person inside of myself. I used to be afraid to speak my opinions, to disappoint and/or not please people. Through my forced independence I have had to learn to say what I'm feeling, realize that not everyone is always going to like me or be pleased, and find my new best friend.
By finding my new best friend, I am not talking about searching for another person to try to fill the gap that God placed in my life, I am talking about the true and only best friend I will forever and always have.
Earlier I said that the wellspring of my life was my friends and my social life, but lately I have realized there is a significant issue with that statement. Shouldn't the center and joy of my life be the hope I have in Christ? Shouldn't my fulfillment come from knowing that I have a God who is working for me, by my side, ready to answer and listen to my every thought and need? It wasn't until this year that I realized God is the ultimate best friend. He cannot compare to any human relationship that we are capable of having.
In not having a close group of friends or anyone to surround myself with, I had to find the confidence in myself to conquer the day on my own. I had to look to God for the reassurance that I would typically find in my friends. Most of all, God has shown me that if I had not been challenged and stretched, I would not be able to have the positions that I do. A little over a year ago, nobody knew I played piano and sang in my freetime. Through God''s process of stretching me, I am now able to stand on my schools stage every week and lead my entire school in worshipping Him. Yes, I have stage fright, yes it gives me anxiety sometimes, yes it can be stressful... But you know what? God allows me to overcome ALL of those obstacles. It is through this year that God has taught me that the most difficult, uncomfortable, and lonely times, are the times when he is preparing to use you more than ever.
I don't say any of this to make you think that I am this amazing Godly girl who doesn't need anything in her life but Jesus. I still need and desire friends and companionship just as much as the next person. What I do know, is that I am most likely not the only person who ever has and will face this situation, and what I do know is that a little encouragement can go a long way. So here is my encouragement to you, whether you are facing a similar situation or questioning if God is even at work in your life. Sometimes the greatest times of trial and loneliness lead to the greatest times of joy and fulfillment.
P.s. I named this blog eggs Benedict because that is what I am currently eating and it is delicious. Do not be confused, I have some random ideas sometimes.
