Can I just begin by saying that God is absolutely amazing? Through these past few days of absolute chaos, the peace and assurance that He continually supplies me with is absolutely incredible. You may have noticed I have recently gone A-wall, or maybe you have already heard that I am going to NNU.
Here is the story behind it all.
If you know me, you know that I have been planning on going to Seattle Pacific University since high school began. I visited my sister, Kendra, countless times in Seattle and fell in love with it. The city, the atmosphere, the landscape, the adventure, and the opportunities available had me fully convinced that was the place for me. There were no questions, no doubts, no need to even look into other colleges, because I loved SPU!
In contrast, throughout my life, especially in recent years, I have absolutely resented NNU. To list just a few reasons why: my parents went there, the kids from my high school went there, it was close to home, and it was in Nampa (I mean come on, who even likes Nampa?!). Needless to say, I had a deeply predetermined idea of what NNU was and why I would never ever go. Words honestly do not explain how much I wanted nothing to do with NNU. I was going to be the girl who went to college in a cool new city with independent coffee shops, concerts, and endless exploration. I was going to make my college experience an adventure.
Little did I know, the biggest adventure I could ever embark upon was only 11 miles from my house.
As college neared, my uneasiness grew. I know that nervousness and an emotional breakdown or two are totally normal when one is about to have a complete life change, but it was more than that. It was almost as if God was trying to tell me something. When I started to think about all of the things that I could still have if I stayed in the Boise area for college, I realized that NNU may be an option that I needed to look into. My family, an amazing boyfriend that I can't imagine life without, a 9 year old brother, amongst many other things were a few things I could still have if I stayed. This is when I first started an application to NNU. Once I calmed down, I knew that this decision was emotionally driven and I decided not to finish my application. I knew I was only afraid for the life change I was about to face and that SPU was still the place for me.
A couple weeks later, I had one of the same breakdowns which led me to finish and submit my application to NNU. My parents supported the idea of me being nearby but, they dismissed it, thinking that I would not receive any scholarships comparable to the ones I had received at SPU a week before school started. I also had a discussion with my boyfriend who said he would not allow me to stay here and give up my forever dream of going to SPU, as sad that he is to see me go. I had once again been reassured that I needed to go to SPU and that everything was okay.
A week later, my mom received a phone call from an admissions counselor at NNU offering me an even larger scholarship than the one I had at SPU and the door for my entrance into NNU was swung wide open.
When my parents told me the news, I was angry. I was finally okay with the fact that I was going to SPU no matter how hard it would be or how uneasy I was. Then, this was thrown at me and I was confronted with a choice. I thought about it, but it was still NNU. NNU, the school I would never go to. Finally, I began to open up to the idea when I was again reminded of the things I wouldn't have to lose if I was here. I agreed to tour campus to at least get a feel for the school and see if it was right for me. I walked around large brick buildings while listening to an overly energetic admissions counselor talk about how great NNU was. I cried in front of her AND the chair of the business department as I explained how torn and lost I was.
Even after seeing campus, I still could not picture myself at NNU. I was too prideful to go to the little nazarene school in Nampa. I was too stubborn to let myself give up SPU. I was too embarrassed to tell all of my family and friends that I was attending school at the one place I have always resented. That evening, I went to dinner with my boyfriend and his extremely wise parents. I was presented with questions like, "What are the reasons you want to go to SPU?" and, "Where do you think your faith will grow the most?" Instead of being convinced as to why NNU would be great for me or why SPU would be hard for me, I was being asked what reasons I was choosing a college for. This hit me hard when I began to realize that statements like, "It's in a really cool city with fun areas and things to do," were completely invalid reasons to choose a college. Through this conversation, I was once again convinced to at least give NNU another chance. The next day was move-in day for freshmen. I wasn't sure what I was going to do while hundreds of students with all of their belongings arrived at college and I was directionless, but I went anyways.
I met the RA for the wing of the dorm I would live in if I chose to go to NNU. She was kind and friendly as I cried to her and told her I didn't know where I needed to be. She told me I should walk around campus, talk to a few students, and get a feel for what it was like. I surely wasn't going to talk to any students, but I decided to at least walk around campus. I ended up sitting on a rock outside of the Brandt Center asking God to give me direction. I needed him to either give me a reason to be at NNU or a reason to stay with SPU, and I needed him to make it crystal clear.
That's when an elderly, 85 year old woman by the name of Telva approached me.
She asked if I was a student, which led to my (once again) tear-filled explanation of how lost and confused I was. We continued to talk as she mentioned mutual friends and connections that we had. She filled me with unexplainable peace and encouragement. I cannot even recall everything that was said in that conversation, but what I do know, is God sent me His sign. Of course, I was expecting maybe someone to befriend me or an admissions counselor to talk to me. But I never thought in my wildest dreams that God would use an 85 year old woman to speak to me, and that made it even better than I could have imagined. It turns out, her son had just convinced her to volunteer for move in day the previous week ... the same week that I applied to NNU. God had no intention for an elderly woman of 4 feet 5 inches tall to help people move in that day. God had an intention for an elderly woman of 4 feet 5 inches tall to tell me that NNU was the place I needed to be. No matter how hard I fought against it, no matter how large my pride was, no matter how embarrassed I am to admit that I am attending the school I forever disliked, God pursued me relentlessly.
Doors kept swinging wide open throughout that day.
My sweet Telva walked back into the admissions center after our conversation, and a few minutes later walked back out with the head of the music department. I had told her of my interest in choir and worship, and the director just happened to be standing right in the doorway when she returned. Not only did he speak to me and tell me that I needed to audition, he gave me no choice and set up an audition time for later that day. Once again, God came straight into my face and told me this was where I needed to be. I then visited the girls dorm and cried to all of the RA's explaining my interaction with Telva. The love I felt from the complete strangers around me was overwhelming. Needless to say, many, many tears were shed that day. They weren't tears of confusion or sadness. They were tears of joy and relief that I knew for certain that NNU was where God wanted me to be.
If I didn't know any better, I would say God sent me an angel that day. However, Telva left me a box of cookies and an encouraging note at my dorm door yesterday, so I am beginning to believe that she is pretty real :) The craziest part is that in every moment that I begin to question if this is the right decision or begin to feel afraid, God encourages me. Through random strangers in Target raving about NNU to me, to an unexpected text from a cousin, he has continually, time and time again reassured me in ways I didn't even know were possible. I always wondered how people really, truly know that something is "God's will," for them, but now, I can say I have experienced it in my own life. My world has been turned upside down since four days ago, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Never have I felt so certain that God was speaking directly into my life and using His people to break down my pride and show me what I need to see. Now, NNU isn't just a set of buildings or a school or a religious university in Nampa, Idaho; NNU is a place that God has specifically called me to. I may still think Seattle would be a cool place to live and I may still be shocked that I am actually an NNU student, but I'm pretty certain there is no better place to be than abiding in His will. Welcome home He says, welcome home.
God is so good. So so so SO GOOD!
